Tuesday, February 5, 2013

He knows me.

I've received many unexpected gifts lately. And they've come in various forms-- from random nanny jobs, to cash placed in the pocket of my abandoned coat as it sat on a chair in the sanctuary at church, to money slipped into my hand by a "delivery" boy; odd jobs and words of encouragement; multiple women--some I've spoken to only once--telling me they've been covering me in prayer...

And as I drove home from one of my random nanny jobs tonight, I felt dry. That's the word that's been going through my head for days. I am dry. I am drained. I am exhausted. And it makes me feel weak and wimpy, and I hate that feeling. 

And as I drove, I just kept saying to Jesus: I'm tired. I'm dry. I don't understand. You are giving me all these things--you are providing for every single need I have, you are encouraging me through the voices of others. You are blessing me with Your voice, and sweet time together, and incredible, encompassing beauty, and You're answering specific prayers and ordering my steps and speaking to me and da da da da da...but here I am feeling dry. And I'm so sorry Jesus. I'm so sorry I'm not full.

There was no audible response-- but I already knew the Truth-- the words that refute these feelings: no condemnation in Christ, I will give you rest, return and rest in Me, My grace is sufficient for you...etc. All good things--all God's word. But at that moment, I was choosing not to receive them.

And this is what happened next: I turned onto the road that takes me 13 minutes to drive from one town to my town, and in that time, the sky went from faint, dull grey with a light purple-pink glow where the sun was beginning to set, to an explosion of pink that lit the clouds in purple as it mixed with the blue, and one ray of bright pink light shooting straight into the Heavens.

Okay, right now, if you don't know me, sunsets are one of my love languages, and I have seen many many many, from many different cities, states, regions, terrains, etc...And I have NEVER seen one like this. Maybe it was my desperation, but it was what I needed, and it is what I could receive. 

And tears filled my eyes as I just whispered thank You to my Father who knows exactly what my heart needs, and exactly how to love me.

It absolutely kills me that I only had my phone to take a picture. And it DOES NOT
even come within a lightyear of doing justice to the sky God painted tonight...but it's what I have.