Saturday, February 16, 2013

brothers and grace and growing up

{ Ian's 19th birthday }
Ian came home this weekend. I didn't know he was coming. Everyone else did. They thought I knew just because it'd been mentioned around the house, but I was gone during the hours when they were home most of this last week, so the news had slipped right by me. 

I got home last night, after playing games and eating treats with the girls from church, to his mesh laundry bag propped right inside the front door and his voice coming from the kitchen. My arms full of brownie pans and water bottles and books, I ran to him and hugged him with no arms. Gosh, I miss that kid every time he goes back to school. It's weird when he's not here. Like we're all adults living separate lives but still kind of kids. And when he is home it's like we're all learning to be adults with one another, but still be siblings and a family, and trying to understand what this new season of all being grown-ups looks like together. 

Sometimes the moments of employing our adult status is rough. Sometimes it's good. It's a learning season if nothing else, and it's a lot of learning to have grace with one another. Grace for parents that care and want to make sure you're safe and taken care of, but also don't want to enable. Grace for adult-children who want to make sure their grown-up muscles are being exercised, but not flexed in arrogance or pride... It's learning to try to have eyes of grace--so we can see from the other's viewpoint, and not just our own. It's learning to let go of selfishness in so many ways, and it's learning to care and love on a new level. 

"Everything that the Lord initiates and reigns over is graced." A pastor said that sometime last year when I was living in Colorado. And I am not sure why it just popped into my head, but now it has me thinking that this process of growing up and moving through seasons of life has been initiated by God. He created us. He made us, and we are in progress. As babies we change and learn so so quickly, and we never stop. That's life. 

And I think that if we can just start looking into His eyes and learning to keep our eyes on His, we will learn to love, and we will learn to overflow with it. And won't that just make things, like growing up, and living with compassion, so much easier? I don't know. I don't think life will ever be "easy," but I do think that knowing Jesus makes it so much better--because we know Him--we know the hope of Christ and the love of Christ. And it just stops being about us, and becomes about Him, and knowing Him, and wanting others to know Him too, and living as lights for Him, no matter who we're living in front of. And isn't that how it's supposed to be? All about Him. 

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before, others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. --Matthew 5:14-16

I'm currently sitting at the kitchen table, with two vases of flowers in front of me, separated by only my computer and my Bible. Ian's half napping, half watching OU play Kent State, on the couch 10 feet away. And this post that began because I was thankful to see my baby brother turned into me thinking about life and growing up and Jesus and His grace.

So my prayer for myself, and all of us, is that we just keep seeking the face of Jesus, learning to live and walk in the promise of His grace and love. 

Happy Saturday!

1 comment:

  1. hi love- nominated you for a lil somethin if youre interested:

    love your writing and love you!